Our first Christmas
by GreyAllTheWay
Summary: As Amelia and Arizona's first Christmas together unfolds, they decide to take a moment and think about the ones that passed away, but never forgotten by the ones still standing. -A bit sad, but it has a happy ending. Enjoy :)-


Arizona's bare hand froze as she searched for her ringing phone in her bag. The car was cold and the gloves didn't help much to the icy steering wheel. Outside it was snowing pretty heavily and all she wanted was to get home. She came in the hospital for an emergency pulmonary edema which took a while, but luckily the patient was alive and well.

"Hello?" she said as she hurried to put her glove back on.

"Hey, could you pick up some milk and sugar? We're all out and Sofia wants us to bake some muffins," said Amelia to her girlfriend.

"Yeah, sure. I'll stop by Walmart," Arizona replied. "Gosh, my hands and lips are frozen."

"Well, just come home and I'll take care of that. I'll see you in a bit," she said and Arizona could really see the devilish grin on her face.

"Sure thing," Arizona said, smiling and hanging up. All she wanted was to get home, but she was so happy Amelia and Sofia were getting along that a little more cold wouldn't matter.

She arrived quickly, being a fast surfer through the store. She picked up the bag full of groceries- even though she needed to buy a few things, she just thought of having as great of a Christmas evening as possible. She opened the door and already saw Sofia running towards her.

"Mommy!" Sofia exclaimed as she jumped in her mother's embrace.

"Hey sweetie, how are you?" Arizona hugged her daughter tightly, closing her eyes briefly.

"I'm happy. Look what Amy and I are doing! Muffins!"

"I heard. I bought you something, you want to see?" Arizona said, searching the item in the bag. "But first; were you good today? Was she good?" Arizona asked Amelia who just made her appearance in the kitchen.

"Are you kidding? She couldn't've been better," Amy said approaching them.

"We had a lot of fun decorating the house and Amy was really nice," Sofia said.

"Alright then, here you go," Arizona said handing her a toy she knew she wanted for so long.

"Thank you, mommy," Sofia said, hugging her mother again and then running to her room to play with the new toy.

"Well hello," Amelia said as she leaned in to kiss Arizona. "So your lips are cold," Amelia said, smiling against the kiss. "We missed you around here," she added.

"I missed you too. But I saved a little girl on Christmas Eve. And now I'm here, with you."

"You're right. You're a hero," Amelia said. "Let's go spend some time together then, shall we?"

Arizona smiled and took her coat off, taking the rest of the groceries in the kitchen. "So I bought some other things too, cause why not?"

"That's great. Can you pass me the milk please?" Amelia asked.

"Yeah, here you go. Sofia, will you come help us?" Arizona said.

"Later," Sofia said louder, from her room.

Arizona laughed and joined Amelia in making the muffins. "You should've seen the hospital. So quiet… DeLuca and Richard were on-call and they were just telling stories and rounding on patients."

"Christmas evenings are usually not that silent," Amy said.

"Yeah, I know. It was strange."

They continued to chat and talk and bake. To Arizona it couldn't be better. The house was decorated with all kinds of Christmassy ornaments. The tree was flickering with colourful lights. The smell of fresh baked muffins soon started to fill the air in the happy home and music satisfied everyone's ears.

"You know, I was thinking," Arizona started a bit hesitantly, "maybe we should light some candles tonight and take a moment to think about… the ones up there," she said gesturing her head towards the sky.

Amelia quickly understood the reference, and nodded. "Yeah, we definitely should."

Truthfully, they had a bunch of people to think about. From their lost babies, to George, Amelia's father, Lexie and of course… Mark and Derek.

"We're going to need a lot of candles," said Amelia sighing. She of course didn't fail to remember Ryan. She would never forget him. Him and so many others.

Arizona's mind briefly flew to all the ones she's buried; Tim came back to her mind, joined by Nick. So many losses, so many coffins. All the large coffins, but the tiny ones too. She sometimes really couldn't forget the coffins. She was brought back to reality by her ringing phone. As she looked around and to Amelia she noticed her thoughts were interrupted by the phone call too.

She picked it up only to see her ex-wife's name on it. Yet another make-believe coffin for what they once used to have together. "Hey, Callie," she spoke only to discover her voice was slightly unsteady.

"Merry Christmas!" Callie's voice was happy. It sounded cheerful and Arizona could see the smile that was behind the jolly tone.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Arizona said regaining her perky voice. "I'm going to Sofia's room right now."

"Great, thanks. How are you? How's Amelia?"

"We're really good. Baking and talking, the usual, you know. And you?"

"I'm good too, happy."

As Sofia saw her mother entering the room with the phone to her ear, her face lit up, knowing she was going to hear from her other mother. With a wide smile on her face she got up and said, "Is that Mama?"

"Yes, Sof, it is. Okay, Callie, have a great holiday and we'll talk later," Arizona said as final words before she'd pass the phone on to her daughter.

As she did, she left the room to let them talk more privately, even if there wasn't anything to hide. Sofia's voice was really glad and it made Arizona both happy and nostalgic. It was nostalgic because she knew it was hard for her daughter to be away from one of her mothers. She knew having both of them right there would be what she wanted most, even if she didn't say it. It was natural and logical. Arizona knew.

She stepped into the kitchen and hugged Amelia from the back, as she was still preparing the dinner. She put her head on Amelia's shoulder and placing a soft kiss on her neck she said, "There's many of them up there. But that doesn't mean they're alone. Neither are we. We're here, together. And it will be fine."

Amelia nodded, sniffing. A few tears rolled down her cheek, but she brushed them off. She turned to Arizona and snuggled in her arms, steadying her head against Arizona's chest. She stood there for a bit, Arizona holding her tight. After a while, she said, "It was Derek's favourite holiday." She smiled as she said it, but it was more of a sorrowful one.

"Mark's too," Arizona said, thinking back to when all four of them would spend the Christmas evening together. She smiled to Amelia and kissing her softly, she told her, "But let's be happy, okay? I'm sure they're looking down on us and smiling too. They're still with us, even if we can't physically feel them. Their spirit and memories are with us. And that'll never change."

As she finished her sentence, Sofia appeared in the kitchen with the phone in her hand. "Mommy, can we talk to daddy today? I know we usually do, and I know he loved Christmas. We shouldn't forget about him," the little girl said wisely. Despite her young age, Sofia was very smart. She grew up around geniuses, so there was no doubt she'd once be one too.

Both women smiled and Arizona said, "Come here." With Sofia in her embrace and Amelia by her side, she told her, "We will never forget about daddy, okay? He's always going to be in our hearts," Arizona smiled, despite the tears forming in her eyes. "He won't ever be forgotten. And neither will Aunt Lexie and Uncle Derek. No one. We'll think about everyone tonight."

Sofia nodded and also looked up at Amelia. "Are you okay Amy? I know you miss Derek."

"I do, I really do," Amelia said, sitting down next to the girls. "But as long as I can be here, with you, with this family, I know we can remember and celebrate them in the best way." Something inside Arizona lit up at the use of the word 'family' and in the way Amelia said it. It sounded pleasant and she defiantly wanted to hear it more often. "And we don't have to be sad. It's true they're gone but their memories aren't."

"Now you're just stealing my lines," Arizona said joking. Amelia smiled in return.

Soon they went on to eat and then they lit up the candles. As they did it, they decided to not be sad. They decided to tell stories, memories they had about their loved ones. They variated from funny, to hilarious, even to embarrassing. They all had so many backgrounds that characterized them. This was the way they cherished the ones that were, that aren't anymore. They remembered them in a way they didn't since they passed away. They remembered them in a happier, more honorable way, they liked to think.

So they all went to bed happy, having many good images refreshed in their head. Sofia was put to bed and before that, she obviously prepared the cookies and milk for Santa. Amelia and Arizona were slightly amused by this fairy tale that was still going on between kids, but it was something magical and beautiful about continuing to believe, is what they thought. After they made sure Sofia was long asleep they placed all the gifts carefully under the tree.

They slipped into their pyjamas and both of them cuddled in bed. They were facing each other and as Arizona brushed off a lock of hair from Arizona's cheek, she said smiling, "I just realised this is our first Christmas together."

"Oh, that's right," Amelia's said grinning. "Gosh, it was a depressing one," she laughed.

"Not necessarily, I mean reminiscing and remembering our loved ones isn't depressing. Sure, it brings you a bit down, but that doesn't happen only on Christmas."

"Yeah," Amelia said. Something was on her mind, constantly bugging her. "Well, we should go then. Get some rest," she told Arizona who was already turning the light off.

"You're right, I'm spent. Good night, Amy," Arizona said kissing her.

"It still sounds so good when you say it," Amelia told her, cuddling in her arms. No, that was not what was bugging her.

Arizona giggled and buried her face in Amelia's neck, breathing in her scent. It drove Amelia crazy when she did that. It was not the only thing that made her feel that way. Whenever she'd surround her arms around her, for no reason other than to feel her warmth. Whenever she slipped her hand inside Amelia's pocket, locking their fingers. Whenever she would look at her only to discover that Arizona's eyes were already on her. She loved every little thing she did and she couldn't deny it. She wasn't embarrassed, just a bit surprised. She'd never had a person that would make her love the smallest things that the person would do. Arizona just made her so happy and she needed her to know. She loved her and she needed her to know. Her entire body was filled with fear of how Arizona would react, but it didn't stop her.

She got up to turn the lights on, getting a confused, questioning look from Arizona. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I need to tell you something. It's this thing I keep on feeling and it presses me more and more and I need to tell you," Amelia confessed. By this time Arizona was afraid Amelia was going to break up with her. The fear might've come out in her eyes, as Amelia quickly said, "It's not bad, it's not bad. I feel something for you, every time I look at you, every time you kiss me, it's…" Amelia paused, gathering her thoughts and words. Arizona was starting to get in on the subject, suspecting what the brunette would say next.

Arizona smiled, and amused by the troubled women in front of her, she said, "Just say it."

Amelia looked into her eyes and letting out a breath, she said it. Loud and clearly. Strong and surely. "I love you." Amy was waiting for an answer, but Arizona just continued to smile.

"Was that so hard?"

"Pretty hard, yes," Amelia admitted. "Like you wouldn't be nervous," she said, pushing Arizona's shoulder.

"I would've been," Arizona said. "But you said it first, so now it's way easier for me," she laughed.

"You're so evil," Amelia said cracking up.

"But you love me. You just said it," she smiled and kissed her firmly. "I love you too, very much."

"You're one wicked woman," Amelia told her as she turned off the lights and cuddled back into Arizona's arms.

"But you love me," Arizona repeated again, giggling.

"But I love you."


End file.
